Beasts Inside Pandora's Box..

It's been a tough day. I have to sew my own dress for our company thing. It's fun to do but really tiring. and after the company Halloween celebration I have found monsters inside this Pandora's box. Have you ever found a beast with coarse hair flat nose that looks like its face has 2 holes on it with tongues that are made out of knife? A very thin gay monster who has a really big mouth but empty mind ,really rude manner and has two personality.A monstrous faced woman with big black eye bags and body features that are not proportioned and  makes it looks really creepy. A talking rotten egg and a troll-look-a-like centaur. Peculiar right? And i found yourself right between them , in the middle of these creatures I simply sat down relax ,pray and cry to God the fear I have inside. Truly Halloween has been taken to a different level these days. Peculiar. VERY PECULIAR....


xoxo
C.G.B.

Ghosts of my Past lurking beneath my bed...

Yes, it's true. Though sometimes I deny it to myself. Maybe past relationships do not have a great value to me right now, but deep inside during myself that's when I am bothered by the Ghost of my past love. I know I no longer anyone of them but at the back of my head I feel sorry for them and even for myself. I didn't make god choices and so did they. I am a big disappointment to myself. I have failed to follow my own standards. When I was a kid I told myself I wanted someone that will stay with me Forever and now I don`t even know if the word Forever even exists. Let's just say it does ... I'm not even half way through it. 

Darn!. I don't really have time for love. This post is just something to honor the past guys? It's not that there's a lot. I just wanna let them know that I did grow because of them. I am very much thankful for all the times they spent with but maybe the ones that are meant for us are still out there. 

Every night as I sleep there are peculiar moments that I think of someone from the past if he has forgiven me to all the things I have done to him but one idea is that they may not be bothered to think about me so why should I  be bothered anyway?

On the other hand ,I'm happy because I turned out like this. To whom I am right now. Because whether they believe it or not I do treasure them, they made me happy in certain times of my life, was there to comfort me, was there to be my best. THAT'S THE BEST PART OF IT. so Ghosts of my past. Stop lurking beneath my bed. A'ryt? ;)

Empty in Love

I really don't wanna fill my blog with the word EMPTY. Cause i`m not that blank. Though after some time of being single (when i say some time i mean 6 months!) I am starting to feel like i'm ready to love again though I am not willing to. Really mental thinking if you ask me but blimey! when i hear some love songs when i think of happiness I suddenly think about love and having someone with me. Maybe ... just maybe I am tsooo happy that i tend to feel certain things. But i'm not really sure so I`m still taking no risk. I just wanna be alone right now . There were even some occasions that i felt that I`m not a girl anymore.. feels like I forgot how to be sweet,flirty and things like that 
I don`t wanna be a big fake but man, I seriously suck when a guy's near me now nor just talkin' to him (who ever he is).. I even try to avoid guys though there are times that I really like that particular guy..
At may age I have encountered a lot of guys not meaning we were exclusive just something that is valuable (i suppose), maybe something special..from asian type to caucasian type. But all in all I seem to be scared to give even a tinee tiny trust. I no longer feel sparks that I'm suppose to feel. But darn! I dont really have the faintest idea why I can feel this sudden HAPPINESS when i hear love songs.. 
But of course i`m not that thoughtless.
 I have a theory...maybe it's because of God's love.Maybe that's what I am feeling. I feel in love (romantically) though I am not,I think this is what they call CONTENTMENT? but i am not sure. 
Geez I am one of a heck girl.. 
But there's a lot of time to think about this and wait for that someone.
I just hope his cute but being a Christian and a man of God is a requirement..lol


-xoxo
C.G.B.

Life long search begins

Search for what? Search where? Search when? No idea.I just want to share what's inside this seems-to-be empty box and fill it with new ones. There are so many things to do, so many things to think and talk about ..so many things to loose and so many things to gain in this world. And now I'm ready for all of them. Love? Knowledge? Career ? Fashion? I'm all ready. Or at least that's what i think so.
Every time I look at something I have a lot to say and so many things to ask. But I don`t think I can ask myself and answer myself too. I want to settle things in my head.
I wanna let people know what i have to say. I wanna be heard though the beeping of cellphones and the horn of cars are louder than the voice of my soul. I wanna explode myself with thoughts.
I just keep on wandering in the world I have inside this skull but i want to explore. I want to go further and search for more. More what? I think I'll find out along this LIFE LONG SEARCH. Let me prove to you my friends it's true that 

"Wit beyond measure is man's greatest treasure".

-C.G.B.